Yes. Thank God I'm still alive today. Went to a pulmunologist a while ago had my check up and Xray. Ugh. Ganun pala yung feeling eh noh? Nakakakaba kasi you'll never know what the doctor finds out. I'm not satisfied with the results, sabi nung doctor my lungs are okay daw, wala akong Tuberculosis or whatsoever. And she gave me meds for allergy and mild asthma daw. OH MY. All my life I thought wala akong lung problem then all of a sudden, BAAAM! May asthma ako. Wag naman po sana. Parang di ko kakayanin. Parang gusto ko nga itake lahat ng exam kanina e, para malaman kung ano talaga sakit ko. Feeling ko, cardiologist kelangan ko. I dunno. My heartbeat, it worsened. Super irregular siya, I can feel every thump. Every beat. Parang any second magsstop siya, that's what I feel. Gusto ko na umiyak kanina kaso I want to be strong and appear strong in front of my mom, ayoko sabihan ng weak 'cause I'm not and I don't want to be. Kaya nga pinilit ko pa rin pumasok kanina, pinipilit kong maging happy. Napakastressful magkasakit. Pero, yun nagiingay pa rin ako sa klase. Parang normal lang. Kasoooo, something's really wrong e. Deep inside, nafefeel ko. I'm physically and emotionally ill. Kung pwede lang pumikit ako tapos pagkadilat ko wala na to. Ugh. I really want to be happy kaso my condition won't permit me. I don't know what to do. For the first time, I fear for my life for real. Ngayon ko narereliaze kung gaano ka-precious ang life. I'm so sick of being sick. Gastos pa sa parents ko, naaawa na din ako sa kanila. Ngayon ko na din narealize na mahirap magkasakit. Ugh. Somehow, I think I deserve this! :'(
I'm thinking of taking picture/s everyday. And post it here. Wala lang. I just want to be relieved in a way, through posting pics.
Day 1:
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| This was taken on New Year Jan 1,2013. :3 |
#puyat #payat #panget #dying #sick #weak :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
PS: Sa maga taong nakakakilala saken, alam niyo namang hindi ako madrama sa totoong buhay at never never akong nagdrama, shet. Oo, ako din naninibago sa sarili ko. I laugh at everything e, pero things are getting serious I might as well be.
